As I turn 40 this week, I felt it is time to step back a little and take stock of life.
Life has been beautiful so far. There have been some ups and not many downs. There has always been a hand to hold, shoulders to cry on, friends to gossip with, siblings and cousins to hang out with, hills to climb and rivers to cross.
The turbulent teens of self-consciousness, gawky looks, crushes were fun. And so were the manic twenties when life was at full speed. First job, then some more jobs, some entrance tests and interviews in which I flunked royally. Thought it was the end of the world. But wait, life had better offers. It was also the decade, I got married and had my 2 beautiful children. Then began the struggle to maintain family and career. Always, always feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my sons.
The thirties, spent in building up careers, work-life balancing. The boys were good company for each other, and I felt less guilty. It was a decade when I went abroad twice which made me Independent (yeah capital ‘I’), complete support from my husband and families.
So, now at 40, the turbulent life is smoother now, or maybe I have got used to it. I am older and wiser. The children are grown up and not really dependent on me for small things. I get to spend more time on my hobbies. When I look back, at 20, had I known, that life would eventually sort itself, I wouldn’t have spent time worrying and crying on issues which look very trivial and silly now. I should have been more relaxed at that age. I wish I had the self-confidence, the wisdom, the freedoms, which I have now.
But, they are all wrinkles or chapters added to my life book and which has made me the person I am today.
So, what next? Now that I have satisfied my parents’ aspirations and my family is stable, I guess it is time now to explore some more. And I have a whole lot of things to do. I would like to explore my options as a writer/blogger/fiction-writer/researcher or whatever it is but want to be connected with writing and finally getting published. I also plan to travel a bit. I plan to eventually retire and become a teacher or volunteer on some social cause like the ‘Teach India’ initiative and give back to society.
A whole lot of things to do and as said rightly said by Robert Frost ‘miles to go before I sleep’.