I felt the constriction in the chest. It felt like dead weight on my throat. I couldn’t speak. My eyes widened but I couldn’t see. It felt tight. The tears still dry.
Not now.. not now. Let me get home.
Thank God, today everyone is busy. Even the receptionist who would otherwise have been just painting her nails.
I wish today was another day when I could have shut out everyone and cried?.
Roma had called frantically. ‘Sumit is engaged,’ she said ‘and you did not tell me. I thought you are still a couple.’
My head had started to spin. Sumit.. engaged… what is she saying.
‘Sorry,’ I said. For what? For not knowing about this? How could he? After the ring he gave me on Valentine’s day, I was waiting for the proposal.
I dialed Sumit. No response. I dialed again. I have a right to know.
I dialed his best friend. He confirmed it. I sat down on my chair and waited.
The call came in at 6.
‘Mmmm’, I said.
‘I couldn’t hurt my parent’s wishes. They really liked this girl. Our horoscopes are a perfect match. If I marry you, my sister will not get a good proposal,’ he continued to give reasons.
But it was his voice. Insincere. Dishonest. With no regrets.
I just listened. I wanted to disconnect. I wanted to scream, ‘What about me?’
I ended the call with a ‘Congratulations’.
On reaching home, I tried to be cheerful for my family. They did not know what I was going through. They will never understand. For them, he is just a guy from another state. Now, they need not know.
I watched the daily saas-bahu sagas on TV. But, after dinner, I could hold back no longer. I said an early ‘Good night’ to go to our room. My sister followed. Cheerful and excited to tell me all about her day.
I feigned a headache so she wouldn’t bother me. I waited for her to sleep. She dozed off immediately.
Then the dam broke. The throat tightened even more. My body racked with pain and sobs. My head was hurting, my heart, my throat hurt. I couldn’t pinpoint the source of pain. Finally, I dragged myself to sit near the window, looking out into the dark. Now, no one will see me. I let my tears flow freely. But, my voice, lost.
I have written this post for Friday Reflections prompt ““The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.” ― Carroll Bryant “